sacrifice & guilt

So, I've been reading this book for awhile with some friends.

Very, very excellent book! And I'll be honest and say that I RARELY read non-fiction. I pretty much only read non-fiction that involves marriage or parenting. This book is super engaging, easy to read, and full of great stuff. Read it. 

The most significant thing so far to me has been the weirdest topic. Mr. Keller (do I call him Tim, Timothy, Keller - I don't know!) talked about the sacrifice Jesus made for us. And he used the example of parenting. I can't stop thinking about it. Maybe b/c the sacrifice of parenting is something I struggle and wrestle with regularly. I read it about two weeks ago and am still tossing it around. . .

"Or think of an even more dramatic example - parenting. When you have children, they're in a state of dependency. They have so many needs; they can't stand on their own. And they will not just grow out of their dependency automatically. The only way that your children will grow beyond their dependency into self-sufficient adults is for you to essentially abandon your own independence for twenty years or so. When they are young, for example, you've got to read to them and read to them - otherwise they won't develop intellectually. Lots of their books will be boring to you. And you have to listen to your children, and keep listening as they say all kinds of things that make for less that scintillating converstation.
      And then there's dressing, bathing, feeding and teaching them to do these things for themselves. Furthermore, children need about five affirmations for every criticism they hear from you. Unless you sacrifice much of your freedom and a good bit of your time, your children will not grow up healthy and equipped to function. Unfortunately, there are plenty of parents who just won't do it. They won't disrupt their lives that much; they won't pour themselves into their children. They won't make the sacrifice. And their kids grow up physically, but they're still children emotionally - needy, vulnerable, and dependent. Think about it this way: You can make the sacrifice, or they're going to to make the sacrifice. It's them or you. Either you suffer temporarily and in a redemptive way, or they're going to suffer tragically, in a wasteful and destructive way. It's at least partly up to you."

- The King's Cross by Timothy Keller (pages 142-143)

It's just something I've been mulling over. I believe there's a fine line of sacrificing your marriage, your ministry and your friendships for your children that is unhealthy. But I believe this perspective is coming from the other end of the spectrum. For what it's worth. Sacrifice.

The other thing in my life right now is GUILT! I hate it. And my guilt regularly revolves around Ted. Basically for working so much up until the time he started going to school regularly. And about his hair!

Seriously, the hair on the huge spots on the back of his head is not growing back well. He lost two spots b/c of glue from the EEG. Although there's a spot on the top of his head that's from surgery where they held his head down that also isn't growing back. Which makes me think it's something different. So, I'm currently feeling guilty over not holding him down after surgery and peeling the glue off a fresh craniotomy. Really? I can't believe it, but I do.

I'm checking with his doctors to see what they think. Whether we should do something or see what happens or there's nothing we can do or if it's a side effect of his medicine or something else. I feel like I might have been negligent in not doing something before this. I know there are bigger things in the world, but I'm praying for his hair to grow back.

So, there you have it. Sacrifice and guilt.